the epic

I remember going to a maha sadhana with dharma mittra in june in which he said, what if you did everything as if it were devotion to g-d. how easy it is to both forget and remember divinity, within myself and within the world. for me, that comes with waking before the sunrise, or getting to sleep in until 7 and make coffee and to have pumpkin bread for breakfast. or even 30 minutes of the whirlpool and/or sauna---and what grace when i am the only one using them.

But right now in this ytt, the question for me is how can each moment be a teaching, a place for wisdom, insight, and love. as i am reading the mahabarta, to see my colleagues as characters in the epic of my life, of all of our lives and to see everything as nourishment. even the experiences in which i think i could have done it differently, perhaps better, but to trust that each thing that happens is a chance for me to be part of this experience, each moment, to both deepen and let go. to show up, again and again, to meet myself as only myself.

Knitting

One of the deepest teachings from my 500 hour module came from a fellow student who took some time to teach me to knit. When I had tried before in the past to crochet, i kept getting all knotted up but something stuck this time and the motion feels so natural---my friend was actually impressed. what i love about the knitting is the quiet meditative sense of order and also to really watch something grow...

A New Lens for Wounds

Last night during the opening of my 500-hour teacher training Grace said to make our wounds our wonder. And today while letting this land, I thought back to one of my favorite Kafka short stories, “A Country Doctor,” in which the doctor gets called in the middle of the night to treat a woman with a wound---her name means rose and he describes the wound with flower-like imagery. So I started thinking what if a wound is really a reflection of deep beauty but we don’t look at its potential. Priti shared a story about a woman who refused to even see her wound and chose instead to ignore it. It persisted for 8 months until a shaman told her to look at it and acknowledge and accept it. After a month of this practice, the wound disappeared. And so I think about how many of us carry our wounds, both seen and unseen, and when we do heal, how do we bring this healing to all of our subtle bodies---all koshes so that we can be more unified and integrated. The practice I really liked was to notice a feeling and say it is present, rather than to say I am that feeling. For example, doubt is present, rather than I doubt myself….in this way, even the languaging is about acknowledgement and acceptance instead of identification with a fleeting state of emotion---the chitta vrittis in yoga language, but instead find ease and breath in the compassionate observations of living.

acceptance

over the weekend in jillian pransky's program at kripalu, i picked an angel card that said acceptance. the idea was to have a question and so mine was, how can i cultivate more love, creativity and community in my life for 2012. pretty spot on how these things work. jillian always frames each class with the question, what do i need to know and so in this way the universe becomes one big angel card.

an answered question of the week--why does my hair stay in my head now that i am eating meat. answer, vegetable protein is more challenging for the body to absorb.

rock-star moment of the week---sadie nardini took my class. i'm still processing that. and so grateful for all of these moments here that bring me closer to teachers and teachings.

the more i read about swami kripalu, the more i really wish i had gotten to experience his presence, though i do feel it even through reading books about his teaching.

enough

for a long time i was dating people who were unavailable or lacking stability. i wondered why i did this. it was because there was some part of me who deemed herself unworthy. or not enough.

that is no longer the case.

i learned a kundalini practice today---the basis is this, you say: I AM SOMEBODY

we are all SOMEBODY and not just any body. For me, any body will no longer do...

2012 inspiration

2012---wow, so much has happened in me already being at Kripalu and this marks month 8. My birth month (next month) will be a new emerging for me, which is something I think of with this blog and in my life. how can i make something new? how can i discover? but also what can i re-discover. something that i know for sure is that my book of yoga poems will come out this year---working on figuring out the title and the details but have had great feedback in reading poems in classes lately and love teaching large classes here, but also the gentle and fundamentals. some feedback i have been given is how precise i am and that makes me feel solid and grounding.

i also vow to do more with my writing this year and i've noticed in that vow, i have felt more solid and confident. i've also noticed much more syncronicity in my life and more trust that i am getting what i need. so many things have indicated that, including missed plane connections and my practice of samyama meditation. i feel as if i am getting more of what i am intending and less of what i am not intending and feel better about how i manage energy.

and inspiring one person leads to another inspiring me or you---this woman was in my yoga class and i had no idea who she was or she who i was, but this writing is a fabric that threads us together.